What I wish upon every person who dreams a big dream is that you have people who prop you up. I have some people like that in my house, but I also have my friend B. who, if you’ve been tuned in all along, you may have heard me mention from time to time.
My friend B. writes me to say how awesome the writing is. Keep it up. Most importantly, keep going.
Have I ever mentioned I’ve never met my friend B.?
Somehow my friend B. is acutely aware of the time span in which I will become frustrated, bored, busy, etc. and think about giving up.
Did I ever mention my friend B. is a brilliant psychologist?
Probably not because he’s not a psychologist. But he played one while in graduate school. He’ll foo-foo that and say he only ran rats in mazes but he always tries hide his brilliancy under a bushel.
You know what song I’m humming now?
Anyway.
I received my first copy of Writer’s Digest today. I’ve been waiting for about 2 months. Maybe 3. Math is not my strong point.
It’s got a lot of commercials, so far, but also a good article about writing small in the time you have. I have to say that I resemble that remark. Have a ten minute sonnet to fade out:
Ten minute sonnet – June 14.06
There was no release to the pressure of
having to come up with a thigh to rhyme
and fit in the space, and meet the half
of the lip, the thrust of misspent sky time
writing your name in walking rhythm, da
Dum, da Dum. Some type of chest drum keeps this
song a chorus of birds sitting on the
emergency party line. Come in, Miss
April, mind your mark. Smile for the people,
bend over for the crowd, be a sweetie,
wipe the seatie. 4 minutes, no more pull,
no more room. Shaddup and get the pointy.
Even you can formulate. Its chaos
contained, Mr. November. All bathos.
What the heck was I trying to say? Whoo.
Laden is an inert verb when laid upon your back, the eaves trough, a pine branch. Always it implies snow, at least at this latitude. I imagine you bent with the weight of my ardor as though two buckets of water hung from a pole across your back. Even the word is heavy and hard to drop from my tongue. Winter impending threatens to turn this water to ice and snap the branch of my respite.
The story of his life
is the story of mine.
-Anne Sexton “The Legend of the One-Eyed Man”
He lives the here and there
of a travel job, making acquaintances
forgotten past Tuesday,
collecting matchbooks
with stranger numbers
than his own. His colors
ring metal, sob silver, dull
brown, same sailboats nailed
to the wall. They do all
look alike, he muses and fancies
himself a doctor who has
shelved his bedside manner
with last night’s litter.
There are evenings
he just goes to sleep.
the wee children screeching in the summer woods
doesn’t end under nightly nine.
that’s when the zombies
arrive. their unstuffed grunts of hilarity
in the piney poplars
precede the bonfires, prelude
the beer bottles,
and preface the singular dirty sock
found on the pathway next day
as an exclamation to the moon cabbage moon.
we’ve tried calling the cops.
they tell us to keep our children inside.
we tell them the zombies were our wee children
once
last summer.
As waves pounding this shore
of unrelenting mountain, foothill and field
I am the valley reciprocate
of this white void.
Channel 83 tuned in to the weather
comes up with nothing
but blank stares.
It is an avalanche of emotion
just opening the curtains.
I am ploughed swift into a vast
refrigerator with a burnt-out light bulb.
I will scream mutely for any breath
only to be found in this ordinary tundra,
stiff,
yet still surprised.
I don’t have the feeling I have been here before but
I have been land before. Cactus spine,
my seeing eyes,
a craggy of rock, my ear.
To hear that melancholy wind blow
as a ship yet unseen. Oh water,
even you remember being here,
of being desert. You mourn and wail
when the clouds are low
wanting to excavate the fish bones
that lime the soil with pernicious hope
of another salty Gomorrah. Lines of nets
roam the shored banks of highway,
droning a lullaby of nothing and nothing then
shock-jumped into the metal end of mortality.
While travelling through Nevada
it is easy to forget my cactus spine,
my craggy rock, to be caught by the lighted lure,
to ignore the lyre of a ship still unseen.
I have been you before.
The guy next to me on the train
is listening to Nirvana
and sticking out his chin
in time to the bass drum
quite like a rooster does
when he’s looking to mate.
He smells like deep fry and ashtray
and has dog hair on the thighs
of his stone-washed jeans.
I wonder if he thinks Cobain
would be his friend
if only he could resurrect him.
I tap my Converse sneaker
in synchronicity with his chin thrust
and mumble sun destroys the night,
night divides the day.
When we stop
we go our different ways.