Scrivner

It is that I cannot say I know you, know

the silent air in your room. For what you

do or how you hum or laugh when alone

is beyond my window ledge.  I have loose

strips of smiles and belts of speech that keep me

tied to your door.  Every Tuesday finds

me scrabbling on knees collecting debris

you toss: a tin can of weather, blue twine

from your dreams, a ream of curdled insults.

Yet these are not you still, but statues

of who you may have been, or strange adult

guesswork smearing stains of childish virtues.

From each corner of your design you blow

a different wind that turns your house to, fro.

Because of the climate of the Calgary/Alberta/general job market, there are too many jobs to fill and seemingly not enough eager people to take on those challenges. 

For the most part, I don’t quite understand this dilemma because it probably relates to futures and stocks and pork bellies and other things I know absolutely nothing about.  Here’s what I do know:  people are leaving in mass exodus from my place of work and they can’t be rehired nor retrained in large or quick quanities.

This is what perplexes me:  we receive a plethera of applications for jobs!  Sure, about half of those are looking to get paid $15.00 an hour and only want to work every second Monday, but there are some people who do sincerely want some hour-age, some paycheck-age, some dough-ray-me-age, I mean, isn’t there?  We hire only when desperate under the excuse that “you would complain if you weren’t getting enough hours, therefore we like to keep understaffed rather than over-staffed.”

BULL-HOCKEY, I say!

I, for one, would certainly give up a 6 hour shift a week to have someone be trained properly and quickly.  My availibilty reads 15-20 hours per week and I’m working 29 on average.  I’m not one to complain, if they need me, they need me, I like to help out, but I am starting to feel taken advantage of.  Certainly I can’t stay in “trainer mode” permanantly, can I?

Since Christmas, the people in my particular position have been reduced from 7 to currently 3, soon to be 2.  Sure, the supervisors will lend a hand but they are only a band-aid at best.  They really aren’t vested in any goings-on regarding cash procedures and handling/accounting.  There doesn’t seem to be anyone who wishes that extra responsibility on themselves, not for .50 more an hour, and I can’t blame them.

As I drove away from a very tiring day of work (complicated returns, training new cashiers, money shortages, moving heavy fixtures, multitasking like a juggler whose pants are on fire) I saw a sign for the shoe-store hiring $12 to start.

To start.

That’s almost $4 more than I make right now.

Do I wait and see if the party will resume, or assume there is no one retreiving more beer from the all-night liquor store and it’s time to go home?  How do you know?  When do you make that decision?

I’m only on chapter 4 so I can’t say too much about the book so far.  It seems to be good, his description of the narrator’s village is quite hilarious, along with the people that live there.  I would definitely think his brand of humour runs more to the English wit, instead of Canadian. 

Which, come to mention it, is one of the things that disconcerts me about this book.  When I mention it is what I’m currently reading, the usual response is, “Oh, the Canadian.”  Huh? 

I interpret this common retort as:

1.  “I had to read him in high school.” or,

2.  “It’s not as good as ‘regular’ literature, say from the U.S.” or,

3.  “I suppose we have to support the Canucks.” or,

4.  “I’d rather be reading Nora Roberts.”   Scratch that.  People who read Nora Roberts haven’t learned their whole alphabet yet and wouldn’t know good literature if it smacked them upside their clockwork orange.  (ed. note: I was planning on linking a “I Hate Nora Roberts” website here but it seems that everyone is gaa-gaa for her but me.  Next post is completely planned….)

I’ll keep you posted.  As a sidebar, Blaze is released Tuesday, June 12!  And no, I’m not allowed to borrow books that aren’t released yet.  The humanity!

It wasn’t much of a hunt.  There weren’t any elephant guns invloved or cans of pepper spray.  Went to the lovely box store and saw about 14 different varieties of toasters out for display upon the shelf.

My question is this:  the thing toasts bread so how high end can you really get? 

Apparantly, quite.

The toasters ranged in price from $8.82 for el cheap-o housebrand model, white and plastic, regular slots instead of bagel capacity, and a simple dial that indicated “light” or “dark” or toasty colours in-between.  The pricier brands got up to about $62.00 (I can’t get any more specific than this.  Paying more than $20 for a toaster makes me shudder) and were ergonomically tilted for the vertically-challenged bread-putter-inner, and shiny metal without any plastic dials or devices. 

Did the more expensive brands do more than toast your bread?  Er, no. 

My idea of a $62.00 toaster:  toasts the bread, slathers on the peanut butter and jam, cleans up the sticky mess left by said PB&J, calls the kids to “come’n'eat-already-you’re-going-to-be-late-for-school!!!”, wipes their faces, cleans up their crumbs, and puts the dishes away. 

I would pay $62.00 for a toaster like that.

1.  Be knowledgeable.  Make sure you have watched Shaun of the Dead at least four times.  When you can watch it without laughing at the records scene, you will be classified as a Zombie Master.

2.  Stay away from urban centers, especially malls.  See Dawn of the Dead.

3.  Don’t make mail carriers your enemies.  See Night of the Living Dead (i.e. “telegram”).

4.  Keep on the lookout for friends that drool and stagger too much, or mutter, or both.  Even when drunk.

5.  Remember, flame-throwers are handy as a diversion but won’t keep them off you in the long run.  Better to stockpile machetes.

6.  Don’t think that playing possum, joining forces, or feigning zombie-ness with the Zombies will stop them from eating your living flesh.  You can’t ‘make nice’ with Zombies.

7.  Stay away from eating preservatives, especially Ballpark wieners.

8.  Do not confuse Zombies with any other living dead creature, including vampires, mummies, and Frankensteins.  They have their own special needs and do not like to be patronized.

9.  Salt may hinder mid-west Zombies but invigorate coastal Zombies.  Know your area!

10.  When in doubt, run.  Don’t look back, don’t wait for friends or family to catch up. Don’t be fooled by family members who are now Zombies.  Don’t go into dark rooms and stay away from windows that can be broken or doors that can be smashed.  If you hear tense violin music, say a prayer, your time is up.